This end up

cardboard boxes

The others were making her do this. Said it was time, well past time. As if there was a time limit on grief. That after a set number of days, or weeks, months or even years, you could turn off the sadness like a light switch. A simple click and all sorrow and pain is gone, and your life can resume undisturbed.

It wasn’t like that. Nothing could take away that pain. Packing up all his belongings, wiping away all evidence of his life, could never erase his memory either.

They said they would help sort through everything with her, but they didn’t know what to do with any of it. They wanted to donate it, just give it away like so much junk. They might as well throw it all in black trash bags and dump it at the curb for the garbage trucks to haul off.

No, she would give his memories the respect they deserved.

Shutting the door behind her, she locked it so the others would leave her in peace. Boxes and wrapping tissue were laid out on the bed. A step stool stood in one corner so she could reach all the treasures lined up just so along the plate rail that encircled the room.

The desk where she worked was barren, bereft of textbooks and college rule paper. One by one she carefully packed academic trophies and certificates, tiny figurines of baseball bears and Christmas snow globes, photographs of happier days, and heirloom toy trucks. Each act deliberate, meticulous in its economy of motion. Slowly turning them over in her hands, imagining they were still warm from his touch.

As she placed each item in a box, reliving precious snippets of a glorious life, it was like burying him anew.

The last boxed filled, she unlocked the bedroom door and walked out. Leaving a life unfulfilled, packed away in four cardboard cartons.

A mother should never outlive her child.

The Trifecta challenge this week is: Deliberate [adj. \di-ˈlib-rət\] 3: slow, unhurried, and steady as though allowing time for decision on each individual action involved

In his shoes

workboots

If I could walk in your shoes for a day, what would the voices say to me, what would the faces look like? Could I survive your reality or would I go mad?

Prompt #7: Share a favorite holiday recipe

Prompt #13: tell about whose shoes you’d like to walk in for a day.

The Trifextra Weekend challenge: exactly 33 words written in first person narrative.

*Since his pre-teens, my son has struggled with a myriad of mental health issues. Diagnosed at age 12 with severe panic/anxiety disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, he also has bouts of depression, and times when he experiences auditory and visual hallucinations. As much as I try to be empathetic, I can’t totally grasp what he’s going through. Some days, I’ve wished I could be inside his head, to experience what he does, so that I could understand and perhaps be better equipped to help him. Yet, being witness to his episodes of panic and depression, I don’t think I could survive them with as much strength and courage as he does.

Relief came

pine needles

Hanging from the tree house railing, impatiens swing in the breeze. His mother, standing at the edge of the pine needles, discovered the bones of a child wrapped in a pink blanket.

TrifectaCollage

The Trifextra weekend challenge was to choose 33 words from a single page in Elizabeth Strout’s “Olive Kitteridge,” and reshape those words into a piece of (our) own.

Peanut butter wars

pristine peanut butter

Jessie and I were recently lamenting sibling rivalry. We commiserated through short stories depicting what was meant to be examples of hyperbole. What her piece and mine had in common was that while exaggerations, they were also realistic portrayals of how our children actually interact.

We also had similar experiences with our own sister and brother. Jessie told me about how she and her sister had to lay a strip of tape between them on the family car’s back seat. Obviously to delineate territorial borders.

I vaguely recall my parents having to do the same with my brother and me…  battles lines. I have flashbacks of vicious kick fights when a leg, or toe extended past the neutral zone.

Despite all the bruises and pulled hair, not all competitions with my brother evoke bad memories. Perhaps time has mellowed some of the animosity, but there was one constant game of “one-upmanship” that I laugh about today.

Peanut butter….

When we were kids, my brother and I ate a lot of peanut butter. Even now, I love me a PB&J sandwich (preferably with strawberry jelly on whole wheat toast – warm, melty peanut butter makes me smile).

There is something irresistable about the smooth, unblemished surface of a new jar of peanut butter. Like an unsigned, wet concrete sidewalk slab, that blank canvas was an all too tempting reason for my brother and me to duel over who was the first to dip into the pristine, nutty sandwich spread. Not to be the first to have a taste, but to be the first to clandestinely leave a message for the other, written with a toothpick quill.

I still half expect to see a note from him in every jar I open.

I’ve got a new gig

wren nestingA while back, my friend Kirsten encouraged me to apply as a contributor to a wonderful collaborative website created by Elena Sonnino, Just. Be. Enough.

Elena wanted to give other women a place where we could lift each other up, encourage and support each other to Just. Be. Enough. To stop tearing ourselves down because we feared we couldn’t measure up to unrealistic expectations.

I was touched that Kir thought I would be a good fit with her, and the other wonderful writers already involved with this community. Shortly after Christmas, I was accepted as a contributor.

Today, my first submission to Just. Be. Enough is online: “Empty nesting.”

Elena asked us to pick three words that would guide us during the next year. I chose Acceptance, Change and Courage.

My role as a mom has been changing these last several months, and I’ve been forced to face the reality of being an empty nester mom. Without the demands as a full-time parent, I’m also facing the changes that involves, and what that means to my own identity. My three words will help determine how I accept these changes in my life, and whether I can find the courage to create a new identity.

Please, visit Just. Be. Enough. and read some of the other inspiring stories from our coterie of fabulous women.

Wild blue yonder

bi-plane

Today’s Blue Light Special is free time.

Time to walk around an empty house without stepping on errant Lego bricks. Time to eat lunch while it’s still warm without tiny fingers snatching bits from your plate.

Time to savor the smoky aroma of fresh brewed coffee, when you long for the greasy, sweet scent of crayons and finger paints.

Free time to do everything left unresolved over the past 18 years, only to find you no longer have the energy or enthusiasm to do anything.

An identity crisis – time to finally figure out what to be when you grow up.

This week’s Studio30 Plus theme is “foam,” and/or “blue light special

The 100 Word Challenge, to tell a story in only 100 words. This week’s theme is “Crisis”