Coming out

I am a duly registered, fully vetted, card-carrying Republican.

Yeah, I know… I hide the horns and pointy tail well.

In the same way I identify myself as Christian and still dismiss many of the hypocritical attitudes of some who adhere to organized religious practices, I also reject many of the planks of my chosen political party platform.

When asked, I tell people I am fiscally Republican, but socially Moderate, in the same way that I say I am more spiritual than religious.

I explained all that to set up this revelation:

I am a Republican, AND I believe in marriage equality.

To me, it is intrinsically wrong that an entire community of the American population is refused the fundamental right to marry the people they love, and have ALL the benefits inherent to that right – adoption, health/life insurance, medical decisions, family leave, Social Security, anything and everything I, as a spouse, am afforded.

It’s unconscionable that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are disenfranchised based solely on religious social mores. If there truly is separation of church and state, this should not be a legal issue.

During my lifetime, there were still states that outlawed marriage between different races. In 1967, when the unanimous Supreme Court case Loving vs. Virginia reversed raced-based restrictions on marriages, 16 states still had similar enforceable laws on the books.

In the original court case, where Richard and Mildred Loving were convicted on multiple charges related to their bi-racial marriage, the presiding judge, also basing his decision on religious grounds, wrote:

“Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.”

Such a ruling today would be renounced as the bigoted hate speech it truly was.

In overturning these marriage laws, the Supreme Court cited the Fourteenth Amendment’s Equal Protection Clause:

“(the 14th Amendment)… requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.”

I don’t believe people choose their sexuality any more than they choose the color of their skin. Denying marriage rights simply because of sexual orientation, should be just as unconstitutional as banning these rights because of race.

Today is National Coming Out Day. I am coming out as a straight ally in support of LGBT rights.

*Day 27 – 30 Days of Shamelessness: express a dissenting opinion

Photographer for hire

I’ve been unemployed for over two years. A company layoff sent me home and a month later I started receiving benefit checks.

Begin rant: ’Benefit’ is a bit of a misnomer. While there were two monthly checks deposited into my bank account, at only a quarter of my usual salary, it was far short of what I had been earning. No one is getting rich while receiving unemployment benefits. Pundits and politicians making claims people aren’t looking for jobs because they want to exhaust those benefits first are ridiculous. These same pundits and politicians are most likely pulling in six- or seven-figure salaries. I wonder how they would manage on a 75% pay cut and a weak jobs market. Rant over

Despite search efforts, other than a freelance job last fall, I’ve been unable to find work in my particular field.

Today, I am taking a positive step toward self-employment. This afternoon I’m attending a workshop offered through our local Small Business Development Center on how to start a business. My dream is to establish my own photography company. Not one where I take family portraits on the beach, or wedding photos, newborn or high school senior shots, but rather one where I sell prints of my nature photos.

This idea may never make it to fruition, but I want to try. I may end up selling ziplock baggies of postcards at chintzy art fairs for a dollar, then again maybe I’ll have a sleek, professional website offering framed prints, wrapped canvases and glossy coffee table books. Or else my family and friends will be getting copies of my work for birthdays and Christmas for the next five years.

There are other workshops I hope to attend, and the Mister has even shown interest in going with me. I just want to get some idea of whether this is possible.

Before I get too far into this venture, I could really use some constructive, honest feedback… is my photography good enough to start my own business? Would there be a market for it? I’m not asking anyone to commit to a purchase, I’m only asking for some realistic assessments.

Day  17 – 30 Days of Shamelessness: discuss the reality of your work situation

More photos can be found in my Flickr photostream, or check the links on my Photography Page:

A necessary non-necessity

When I read a book, I’m transported to another era, another place, even another universe. Reading is my escape, a way for me to forget all the stress and demands of this life, and delve into a realm of fantasy.

The draw back to this, is there are so many places I want to go, so many characters I want to meet. I can’t seem to stop finding new escape routes. I am a bibliophile with too many books and not enough time to really enjoy them.

Instead of reading the ones I have before getting new ones, I just keep getting new ones. So many that I had to get a separate bookcase for my ‘to-read’ stack.

I sometimes fantasize about having to be bed-ridden, unable to attend to my routine household chores, so that I can simply read, and read… and read.

I have managed to break the cycle of only buying hardcovers, paperbacks are so much nicer than they used to be. But.. day-um… it’s an expensive habit. I need to find a way to thin the herd, get rid of some of my accumulated library of novels.

I NEED to actually read more of them. This is my current stack of ‘in-progress’ books (banned books included). I’ve started reading each of these, and jumped to a new book at the slightest provocation. I will finish these before starting a new one… I will read the books lining my bookcases before buying more.

What I really need to do is renew my friendship with our local library. That would be epic… and a lot cheaper.

Day 16 – 30 Days of Shamelessness: spend money on a non-necessity or share a financial struggle

She’s all that…

For about ten years I trained in martial arts – a style of Taekwondo. I did it all. I learn the forms (katas), I trained in weapons and I sparred. I think the sparring, gearing up, and kicking the crap out of people was the most fun.

Over the course of my training I rose to the rank of 3rd degree Black Belt. I also went through additional preparation to become a certified instructor and competition center judge.

I loved the discipline of it, the dedication to detail and order, the physical demands of the fighting, the people, the community… it was all so incredible. And I was good at it, really good.

While competing, I consistently brought home medals and trophies, and was often recognized for my skills in judging. One year I earned the title of State Champion and continued to be ranked nationally. I was a bit of a badass.

There was something about putting on that heavy white uniform, displaying all my judging chevrons, my instructor’s collar, my Championship badges and that well-worn black belt that made me feel ten-feet tall.

I carried myself differently, I walked with confidence and pride. There was something very empowering about it.

Even though I’ve been out of martial arts for about three years now, and probably couldn’t remember any of the forms, I still think I can say with some degree of certainty…

Ain’t nothing for me to kick a man’s ass!

Day 15 – 30 Days of Shamelessness: dress, walk, and act like you know you’re all that

Art of foot and fist
Discipline, perseverance
Calmness of spirit

Haiku Friday is hosted by Lou at LouCeeL.

Jiminy Cricket doesn’t live here

One day I wrote an angry post about a co-worker, the next morning was denounced to a supervisor, then two weeks later I was laid off from my job… that was two years ago.

The post, the result of a vexation induced rant, was bad judgment. True, every bit of it was true, but I should’ve never made it public.

I went to great pains to keep the person anonymous. The co-worker was not identified by name nor gender, was not revealed to be an officemate, and the bullet-point way the post was written, it wasn’t even clear it was about one, single person.

The moment I hit ‘publish,’ I knew it was not the best decision I’ve ever made. And, that little Jiminy Cricket voice telling me to rescind the command or at least make it a password protected tirade, was ignored

The person in question found the post, printed off copies, distributed them to each of our fellow co-workers, then forwarded a copy to our boss in an email.

The first response was to call me a liar, accuse me of systematically trying to sabotage work efforts, and at one point, declare to our boss that I needed professional psychiatric help. The ironic thing was, to know who the piece was about, this person had to recognize what I wrote was true. If I my statements were false, it would have been impossible to know exactly who had made me so mad.

The lay-off wasn’t a surprise. The company we worked for had been hemorrhaging for quite some time. Different departments and divisions nationwide had laid-off dozens of employees and the parent company was in the midst of a bankruptcy proceeding. To me, the timing was suspect, but eliminating my position was a justifiable business move. I have no way of knowing whether the outcome would have been different if I hadn’t published the rant.

I didn’t deny what I had done, I didn’t make excuses, and explained that I had already made the post private (which it still is). I also did not apologize for what I wrote, only saying that publicizing my ire was a poor choice.

The day I was let go, I thanked my boss for the opportunities I had been given at the company, then quickly and quietly cleared out my office. I was gone by the end of the day.

Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.

Day 14 – 30 Days of Shamelessness: hold yourself accountable — not guilty — for something crappy you did to someone else.

A friend in need

When my son was about six months old he was seriously injured. For the purpose of this post, it’s not important what his injuries were or the details of his accident. (That, and 18 years later it’s still unbearably painful to relive the event.)

As a result, a frantic drive to our local infirmary followed by a siren-blaring ambulance race to a larger, pediatric hospital was necessary.

Because of his tender age, and severity of his injuries, he was admitted and remained at the hospital for about two weeks. Fortunately for me, since I was still nursing him, the hospital allowed in-room stays for parents.

In the meantime, my husband and four-year-old daughter stayed at home, some 90 miles away.

Our son was eventually discharged and sent home, in the hopes that he would begin the long recovery and healing process. After a few weeks it was clear that he wouldn’t be able to improve on his own and he returned to the hospital for surgery and another two week stay.

During this time, my husband was virtually a single parent trying to work full-time and care for a pre-schooler. He would drive the two hours to the hospital several times a week and on weekends to give me a break, and so he could be with our son and I could be with our daughter.

He was exhausted.

A college friend and his wife – a former roommate, definitely someone my husband felt close to and had helped out on several occasions – lived in the same town where the hospital was located.

After one particularly long day at the hospital, my husband had contacted this friend asking if he and our daughter could come by to visit and have a place to get some sleep for a couple of hours before making the drive home.

These friends, people who we should have been able to depend on in this time of need, denied my husband’s request. The excuse was that the wife would be uncomfortable with my husband and daughter sleeping there. I was stunned, and hurt beyond reason. It was a simple request, something I wouldn’t think twice about offering to do for friends in a similar situation.

To this day, I can’t forgive them for turning their back on us when we needed them most.

Day 13 – 30 Days of Shamelessness: speak up about something crap that was done to you

Showing some more skin

I’m just gonna say it…

I like leather. I like the softness of it, the smell of it, the way it moves, the way it forms to your body. Belts, purses, shoes, boots, gloves, coats, and if I thought I could get away with it… pants.

None of this fake stuff. I want to wear real, tanned dead animal skins. There is something about it that, when I wear it, I actually feel differently. I walk a little taller, have more of a swagger, and think I’m all that.

A few years ago, I received a long, black leather jacket for Christmas. Something – really the only thing – I had on my wish list. I can’t wait for the weather to get cold enough for me to take it out of storage.

I’m not so much about pouffy fur, but leather… yes. I’ll be punk for some black leather, or the close-nap pelt of an exotic cat… perhaps the exceedingly rare, potentially black-market, and surprisingly cheap, ‘leper’ fur?

Day 11 – 30 Days of Shamelessness: dress to show some skin