The content of their character

F. W. Woolworth store front
While my fam was in Greensboro, NC for our daughter’s graduation, we visited the  F.W. Woolworth’s lunch counter downtown at the corner of Elm and February One streets where we could order a complete turkey dinner for 65¢ or a slice of apple pie for 15¢.

The store closed for business in 1993, but the significance of that particular diner was that on Feb. 1, 1960, four, 17-year-old college freshmen from North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University began the first peaceful, sit-in protest against segregation, a movement that eventually swept the nation.

Franklin McCain, Ezell Blair, Joseph McNeil and David Richmond sat at the counter, marked for “Whites Only” and tried to order lunch. Refused access, they returned to the store again the next day and were again denied service.

street sign elm and FebruarySoon other students from other colleges joined them. Working in shifts, they continued their protest until the end of their school year. To keep the movement going over the summer, students from a local black high school joined the sit-in until late July, when the store manager finally agreed to serve black customers.

Today, that F.W. Woolworth store is home to the International Civil Rights Center and Museum.

As we toured the facility, we were reminded of the people who were the front line soldiers in the war against segregation and oppression. So many of them children. So many of them died, or were victims of violence and death threats.

In 1960, Ruby Bridges, a six-year-old New Orleans first-grader, was one of the first black children to attend an all-white elementary school. U.S Marshalls escorted her to class because of death threats against her and her family. She was SIX.

Emmitt Till, a 14-year-old Chicago teen visiting his grandmother in Mississippi during the summer of 1955, was brutally murdered for allegedly talking to a white woman. His injuries from being beaten, blinded, shot, hung and drown, were so heinous, he was unrecognizable. When his mother was advised to have a closed-casket service, she refused. Instead, she said she wanted the world to see how vicious his death was.

Down one hallway of the museum, there was a wall of mug shots, more than 1,200 random photos of people arrested for protesting against segregation – white, black, men, women, young, old – all charged with various crimes because they believed that “all men were created equal.”

Walking through the center, with my children, was a very emotional experience. I was horrified, embarrassed, shamed, guilt-ridden, and moved to tears.

I thought of the mother’s of these early activists. I thought of the mixture of numbing fear, crushing grief, and overwhelming pride they must have felt. I could not bear losing one of my children through that sort of senseless violence. I don’t know how these mothers survived their heartbreak.

I’m not a perfect parent, but I have tried to raise my children without prejudice. I’ve tried to instill in them the belief that we are all one world, one people, regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, gender, or sexual orientation.

I have great hope and expectations for their generation. That through them, we can finally get this right. That the only time they will hear about violations of civil rights is while taking a tour at a historic museum.

Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” at Things I Can’t Say.

This week’s Studio30 Plus prompt is “Mom,” and/or “Sprinkler.”

Top ten perks and financial benefits of being unemployed

Recently a friend made an off-hand remark that I was lucky that I wasn’t still working because I didn’t have to put up with co-workers coming into the office sick, and spreading their contagion around to everyone.

Lucky… that’s it. The medical savings on cold remedies alone have made being out of a job worth it.

What she said did get me to thinking about the other bonuses of being unemployed long-term. Aside from the health issues that is.

Nine more perks and financial benefits of being unemployed:

2. You can dispense with all that pesky showering. When you don’t have to go into an office five days a week, you can skip a day… or three. Shaving your legs? Pffft… High priced body wash and moisturizers? Forget about it.

3. The cost of hair care products is also greatly reduced. As another money-saving measure you can forego regular haircuts allowing you to simply pull that long, greasy mess up into a scrunchie. See #1

4. You no longer have to spend money on expensive cosmetics, or waste time applying it each morning before leaving your house. You can go bare-faced every day if you want, especially when schlepping around Wal-Mart in your pjs and fuzzy slippers.

5. There’s much less paper work. Joint tax returns just got 50% easier to fill out. Amusing sidebar: since being laid off, almost three years ago, the Mister and I have been paying more income tax on less income. Funny that…

6. Wardrobe costs are reduced. There’s no need for office-friendly apparel. You don’t have to buy pricey bras (since you’re now not wearing one), and flannel pants and old concert T-shirts become the fashion of the week. You can go from bed to couch without having to change, then back to bed and back to the couch. See #1

7. Think of all that money saved from not having to eat lunch out. You can simply eat dinner leftovers while standing at the sink. Strawberry shortcake is so a meal. Fresh fruit and milk were involved!

8. Alarm clocks are a thing of the past. With kids old enough to fend for themselves for breakfast, even lunch, there’s no need to get out of bed… ever.

9. You save money on gasoline too. Since most of your friends were co-workers, there’s nowhere to go when they stop calling to get together for lunch or Girl’s Night Out.

10. With some meticulous planning, you never have to miss another episode of People’s Court or Judge Judy. If you’re really good, you can also get in Judge Joe, Judge Ross, Judge Alex, Gloria Allred, and Swift Justice. All of this legal training will be helpful if you ever have to appeal your Unemployment Benefits determination.

My unemployment compensation ran out last June, so all of these time- and money-saving perks have really come in handy.

Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.

Until the end of time

Unconditionally

When I was a teenager, I was active in my church youth group. We were lucky in that we had an advisor who let us ask him about anything. We were able to talk with him and each other about topics that often our parents avoided at all costs.

I still remember one discussion we all had about ‘love’ and that there were really only three kinds.

I love you if…  you have sex with me. I love you if you do what I tell you to do. I love you if you change for me. I love you if you keep promising to stop cheating on me, stop beating me, stop lying to me.

I love you because… you have money and will buy me anything I ask for. I love you because you have a great body… beautiful face… nice car. I love you because I don’t deserve better.

If one aspect of your relationship changes, then love ends. If the sex or gifts stop, it’s over. If you gain weight or if your looks fade or are damaged… love is gone. Because you begin to believe you are worth more, love demands more.

Then there is Love in Spite of…

I love you in spite of all your funny little quirks. I love you in spite of your gapped-tooth grin, in spite of your muffin top, your scars, your past, your ghosts…

When you can love ‘in spite of,’ beyond the ‘ifs’ and ‘becauses,’ that’s when you accept the real person, warts and all, and love them and not what they can do for you, or what they give you, or only what you see on the surface.

To me all this meant that when I found real love it should not have conditions attached. That real love saw deeper than the surface, and further than what was in it just for me.

I did find that sort of love. I am with a man who has loved me for more than half my life and who I know will love me for the rest of my life. It’s unconditional and that’s how I love him, it’s how we love our children.

It’s how I love my friends and family. I may not always agree with them, I may not always LIKE them, but I would still offer any help I can if they need me, unconditionally.

Spilling it all

Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.

Ranty McRant

Tailgating

I finally broke down and found a camera shop that could clean my Nikon without having to give her up for a week. The withdrawal would have been too severe. (I also discovered that I should NEVER try to clean it myself ~ bad juju can ensue.) That meant while I waited, I spent half a day in Big City randomingly driving around, aimlessly ambling through a couple of malls; arguing with Lee, my Aussie GPS tour guide; and rummaging through musty antique (read: junk) shops.

It also gave me an opportunity to embrace my inner curmudgeon spirit animal. I think it’s a grey-muzzled squirrel. Much more grouchy than some dumb Honey Badger.

Some much-needed purging of ranty-McRant energy is necessary… for your reading pleasure, some insights from my trip to Big City:

Banks ~
If you are going to make a transaction at the drive-thru ATM, please have all the paperwork done ahead of time.

Seriously, do not sit there for 10 minutes while filling out your deposit slip, then pulling a deposit envelope out of the drawer, then endorsing the check, putting it in the envelope, signing the envelope, inserting it into the deposit slot, grabbing the receipt, sitting in your car and rearranging your wallet ~ as four cars pile up behind you in line.

THEN, once you FINALLY get the hell out of the way, don’t park your oversized soccer mom van at the parking lot exit, blocking the driveway so all those people behind you who only took 30 second to finish their transactions can’t get around you, while you continue to file your paperwork in your Dooney & Bourke checkbook knock-off.

Fast-food drive thru ~
It’s not necessary to have your brights on while creeping through Micky D’s #1 window at dinner time, there’s nothing to see there folks.

The position you’ve managed to get into behind me puts the beams from your headlights shining directly in my side/rearview mirror, and stays there for the excruciatingly long five minutes we are in line waiting for our heart-attack sandwiches. It’s totally permissible to turn off your headlights, or at least turn them down to your parking lights.

I turn my lights down, you turns yours down, the guy behind you turns his down… everybody wins, and no one’s corneas are burnt out.

Speaking the truth ~
Once again for those who were absent the day we discussed this the last time… just because you think something, just because you CAN say it…. doesn’t mean you have to. Knowing when NOT to speak your mind is NOT the same as lying.

Because you think it’s true doesn’t make it right, and continuing to tell people they’re going to hell because they don’t agree with you, also isn’t right.

Ten items or less ~ 
Ten means ten. Not that all 137 ingredients it takes to make dinner counts as one item, or that because that line is shorter and you want to get out of the grocery store faster the limit is waived, or because you’re a butt head you can get into any damn line you want rule supersedes the express lane rule.

It’s a little thing I know, even bordering on petty… but you’re not entitled to special privileges, nor is your time more important than mine therefore you should be able to do whatever you want.

And… cashier? Get a spine and tell these morons to get out of the express lane.

Fast lane and bright light ~
You know who his is ~ the asshat who comes out of friggin’ nowhere, racing like a bat out of hell, bearing down on your back bumper so close you can smell his breath.

If I’m in the left lane, it’s for a reason. Either I’m getting around slower traffic, or trying to find a less jarring side of the highway. You have to get in so far up my tailpipe that I can see only your windshield in my rearview mirror, then flash your bright lights at me?

Dumbass! If I could get over I would. If I could get over then you should be able to get around me…. don’t be a jerk.

I’m usually very good about keeping a check on who’s behind me and will get out of other drivers’ way, but this, this kind of stuff just makes me want to gear down to the exact speed limit and not change lanes for any reason, except if I can cut you off behind an even slower moving car.

I am the Queen of passive aggression.

Spilling it all

Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.

My hands are my work

My hands are my work. I like to think of myself as a writer and photographer of some worth (I’m not fishing for compliments, I’m realistic about my level of talent). Without functional use of my hands, those two tasks become immeasurable difficult.

A week before Christmas I started having ‘issues’ with my right hand. I am right-handed, so this was cause for concern.

The problem started in the first two knuckles, but quickly spread across the back of my hand and up into my wrist. There was pain and swelling, joint stiffness, and it itched like crazy. After a few days of this I went to see my General Practitioner. She thought my symptoms indicated a staph infection and I went on a 10-day regiment of antibiotics.

The swelling and redness abated, but the aching only migrated upward into other knuckles. It felt like a hammer hit those two fingers and the slightest pressure, like holding a pen or camera, was uncomfortable.

I am scared.

See, I have one auto-immune disorder that affects my thyroid. That put me at a higher risk of developing a second AI… which I did. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis several years ago. RA, being bilateral, means, if your left knee is affected, your right knee will be too.

I’ve been lucky in that my RA seems to be progressing slowly and the meds I take are able to manage the pain and discomfort it causes. I’m grateful that my disorder has been limited mostly to my lower extremities – affecting mainly my feet, knees and hips.

I know it might be odd to say I’m grateful, but see my hands are my life work.

When the problems started with my hand, I worried that the RA was finally working it’s magic, so I was actually relieved when my doc thought it was a treatable infection. Then it came back… or rather never really went away.

Fortunately I had my annual check with my RA doc a few weeks ago, so I brought the problem to her attention. There was some blood-letting and X-rays done to look for signs of RA – I’m waiting for those results.

A return trip to my GP only re-enforced my concern that the problem may be arthritis related. The downside is that if it has moved into my hands, there’s really nothing I can do.

I just wait. This is one of those instances where knowing the problem’s cause isn’t going to help. Maybe this time, ignorance is bliss.

Redness and swelling; doc outlines infection; more redness and swelling


Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.

The difference a day makes

A new day

Spent about an hour last night reading through some old posts from an idle blog of mine. I used to write a lot about the initial onset of my son’s mental health issues, about the guilt I felt about not being able to do much to help him, and general all around ranting and raving.

I was one very angry woman. A year, 18 months ago, I was in a perpetual state of being homicidally pissed off at everyone and everything.

That seems like a lifetime ago.

My son was going through a transition. He was forced to drop out of school and was in a very scary place where we couldn’t reach him.

Back then I was constantly on the verge of tears. I felt powerless to help my son. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, only stumbling blocks and pitfalls. I was lost in my sorrow and impotence.

That was then…

Today, my son is attending technical school to learn a trade, he is managing his disorder and is talking about moving out to live on his own. And, I don’t feel like I need to hit something all the time. Life is still a struggle sometimes, but it’s okay. We’re learning, and growing, and making our way as best as we can.

My son is smiling again, and I can breathe again.

When I meet other parents who are just starting on this journey, receiving a diagnosis that changes their child’s life  and their own, I can confidently say, ‘it will get better.’ It may not seem that way right now, but they too will see that light some day soon.

You will all learn to cope, even thrive. You will find a way to carry on and hope won’t be an inconceivable concept any longer. There may even be laughter again. It may not be today, or even tomorrow, but it will happen.

I promise…

PYHO

Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.

Hope and change

Hope and change

“You may fool all the people some of the time, you can even fool some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time.”

~ Abraham Lincoln


Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.