Princess
The phone rang at 4a.m.
“She’s gone.”
“Was it quick?”
“It was… peaceful.”
“We could’ve done more.”
“She was ready.”
“How could you know that?”
“She told me.”
“I’m not ready.”
“You have to let her go.”
“Never.”
Rule of thirds
Each submission to this weekend’s Trifextra starts with the same five words: “The phone rang at 4a.m.” The challenge is to complete the story in only 33 more.
Posted by Tara R. on March 2, 2012
http://thinspiralnotebook.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/never-2/
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Thin spiral notebook
Copyright © 2007 - 2012
by Tara Roberts
Unauthorized use or duplication of this written material or photography without express and written permission from this blog’s author and owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tara Roberts and Thin spiral notebook with proper and specific direction to the original content.
Dana
/ March 4, 2012What Lance said, “Emotional punch.” That was intense – the photo but more so the story. Great job.
Linda Vernon
/ March 4, 2012Perfect!
Sandra
/ March 4, 2012What a compelling picture to go with the intense writing! It adds another dimension to the story so well.
fghart
/ March 4, 2012I love how you captured the emotion within the dialogue, all an extension of the image created with the photo. Nicely done.
Jill K.
/ March 4, 2012Wow, great flash and all in dialogue. The photo, too, is fantastic.
jesterqueen
/ March 4, 2012The dolls on the grave make me think of a child’s death, which makes the pain that much worse.
Tara R.
/ March 4, 2012That is exactly how I found the gravestone. Based on the dates, the person interred there was in her early 20s. The dolls were an odd decoration. It made me wonder about the person they were meant to memorialize.
Trifecta (@trifectawriting)
/ March 4, 2012Thanks so much for linking up to Trifextra. Remember, this weekend’s entries are being judged by the Trifecta community, so make sure you visit the site at the close of the challenge to vote. Our linking service will not allow you to vote for a link from the same computer where it was submitted, so plan ahead! Voting closes 12 hours after the close of the challenge. Winners will be announced with the Monday post. Hope to see you back then.
Amelia
/ March 4, 2012Beautiful.
The Mommy Patient
/ March 3, 2012You said so much in so little. I believe that is the point of the challenge!
Sharp Little Pencil
/ March 3, 2012Your image is so sad. And it’s true: I have never been ready, even when my mom was hanging on like a tooth about to fall out… when you truly love someone, it’s never time. Well done. I missed the directive that the “phone call” was to be the first line, so it’s in the middle, but I’ll share anyway.
Love the design of your blog, Tara, and the name as well! Peace, Amy Barlow Liberatore
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/03/03/the-call/
natalie
/ March 3, 2012These limited challenges create great first lines for a story. This would be one.
Amanda
/ March 3, 2012Great job! So much emotion!
Let Me Start By Saying
/ March 3, 2012This made my chest tighten, felt so real. The selfishness of not being ready for someone else to die, even when they are.
Tight, well-chosen, realistic words.
And the photo you chose with it, the dates making the person in their 20s? Haunting.
Very good job.
Came from the Trifextra linkup.
k~
/ March 3, 2012This was touching, deep, and covered the bases of a difficult conversation.
Steven Dempsey
/ March 2, 2012Nice colors and costumes, Tara. Quite an imaginative composition.
Nicely done.
megan
/ March 2, 2012This says so much in so few words. I’m always at a loss for comments on trifecta entries because they’re so well written, “great write” seems trite.
kelly garriott waite
/ March 2, 2012Very, very nice. That picture is so sad. Lovely dialogue.
Carrie
/ March 2, 2012That image would fit into The Walking Dead….if Mattel wants to capitalize on the phenom of zombies, they can use your image as inspiration as a zombie Varbie :)
Besides that, great story. You craft two distinct characters With just dialogue
Lance
/ March 2, 2012oooomffffff….
I’ve gotten this phone call twice. It hurts even in fictional print on your blog.
Great job getting the reaction/emotional punch