Sorting through my closet often turns up all sort of forgotten treasures. A simple thinning-the-herd chore turned into a moment of happy sentimentality.
My mother is an accomplished artist. Her medium of choice is watercolors, but she also creates lovely Pen and Ink drawings, and acrylic paintings.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I asked if she would paint something for me to celebrate my pending motherhood. Knowing my sometimes warped sense of humor, she gave me a way to tell the world that I had “a bun in the oven.”
While pulling things out of my closet, I found the top she painted for me – a vision of my baby waving from behind her oven window.
Bun in the oven
The top is one of only a few things I’ve kept from my children’s early years – my daughter turns 23 this summer. (Gawd, that’s hard to say out loud.) I have no expectation that she would want to wear it when she begins her own family. I can’t give it up though. I’ll be 103 and still have it tucked away in a closet or dresser drawer somewhere.
Finding the painting, and the memories it brought up, just added to a sense of lost I’ve been experiencing lately. My kids are becoming more and more independent, and while that is what every parent hopes for, it’s not as easy as you think it might be. When you define yourself as a mother, when that part of your identity so drastically changes, there is that ‘what do I do now’ response.
So, what do I do now?
Melisa
/ March 14, 2012That shirt is ADORABLE.
I don’t know what you do now except keep writing and taking pictures, and easing yourself into anything else that you start to find interesting. (It looks good on the screen, anyway. :) )
patois42
/ March 11, 2012When you find out, make sure you tell me. I’m not that far behind you, really.
kelly garriott waite
/ March 6, 2012Going through similar things here but on a lesser scale. I agree with JesterQueen. You write. *We* write. And continue with that lovely photography.
nickrolynd
/ March 6, 2012That’s adorable (not to mention clever). I obviously don’t have any kids, but I can appreciate the sentiment. <3
Morgan Dragonwillow
/ March 6, 2012When my oldest turned eighteen I cried for three hours that started in the shower, and when I couldn’t stop crying I finally got out of the shower. I love being a mom and I couldn’t believe it was time for her to move on to be on her own already. My heart ached for her to be a little girl again and I could undo all the mistakes I felt I had made. I finally saw that when both my daughters were gone I had to finally look at myself. I had to decide what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life. I focused more on me and what I wanted. Now I have grandchildren and I am loving it. My oldest is now 30 yrs old. I can’t hardly believe it.
I hope you discover your true self and it sets you free to do all the things you love most.
Peace,
Morgan
Steeven Orr
/ March 5, 2012I was really confused at first. When you said she painted a top, I took that litterally and thought it was a top … you know, one of those toys that spin round and round. So when you wondered if you daughter would ever wear it, I had to re-read it all over again. :)
But then I got it. I’m not too swift on the uptake :)
Fortunately, my kids are still babies (yes, 9 is a baby!) so I have a great long while to think about this, so I can’t really give you any good advice.
I will say that I like painting, very cute.
brandonpduncan
/ March 5, 2012While mine is only 19 and me being a boy (obviously) I think the best thing to do is keep in the back of your mind that you will always be a parent. It never stops, much like the time that goes by.
Plus? You get to look forward to grandkids! ;D
bridgetstraub
/ March 5, 2012My oldest is turning 26 this month, but fortunately I have his 14 & 12 year old sisters to keep me from dwelling too long and hard. My first instinct to what you do now was the same as someone else, write!
Life in the Boomer Lane
/ March 4, 2012I had a really tough time with my kids reaching the age when they had lives of their own and hearing them say “my home” and knowing it was someplace other than where I lived. I have a very full life, great husband, great friends, great activities. For me it’s not about finding ways to fill my time. It’s about the shift from being mom as integral part of the family dynamic to taking on a secondary role. For example, holidays, now, are just as apt to be held at their houses as at mine. I love that they are self-sufficient, happily partnered and have fulfilling lives. But I’ll admit, I rejoyce when any of them calls to run something by me or to ask my advice. And when my 35 year old daughter (and mother of two) isn’t feeling well, she will revert to calling me “Mommy.” My heart soars.
territerri
/ March 3, 2012What a great memory and precious memento of your pregnancy.
I’m right there with you in that “what do I do now” state of mind. It’s been suggested that the hubby and I go on more dates… and maybe plan a vacation. I guess it takes some effort to move beyond this stage.
corrin
/ March 2, 2012HA! It being an oven window isn’t apparent unless you know the story, but once you do, what a hoot!
Tricia @SassyPantsMomma
/ March 1, 2012So when I first saw the title in my inbox I thought you might be sharing some news!! Things will change for sure but maybe not as much as you think. I am 32 with kids of my own and I still call mama when I don’t feel good!
jesterqueen
/ March 1, 2012I guess you write. :) I think your Mom’s sense of humor is fantastic, and that picture is adorable.
Carrie
/ March 1, 2012I guess you just bide your time until you get to be a grandma and then the fun begins anew :)
Love the shirt, that is so freaking cute!
Kristi
/ March 1, 2012Oh honey. You live and feel pride that you have taught them to fend for themselves. That they’ve grown up with your teachings. That memories have been created. That you are doing a wonderful job.
theyellowkite
/ March 1, 2012Tara, today I found myself searching for a photo, which led to unearthing my own treasures from the past. My “baby” also turns 23 this summer and your post was a direct reflection of my own thoughts. We keep being moms, but we stand back and beam as we watch them dance on their own. I always enjoy your posts, but find camaraderie and comfort in today’s! And I love your mom’s whimsical take on “bun in the oven”!
Middle State
/ March 1, 2012I get this post so much. My oldest turned 18 last week. I thought it would be a day to rejoice. Instead I was so, so sad thinking of how much time stretches between my pregnancy, her birth, her childhood, and today. I cannot wrap my mind around the idea that an era has ended. She is mostly independent and ready to take on the world. It’s an aspect of motherhood I could not have anticipated.