Until the end of time

Unconditionally

When I was a teenager, I was active in my church youth group. We were lucky in that we had an advisor who let us ask him about anything. We were able to talk with him and each other about topics that often our parents avoided at all costs.

I still remember one discussion we all had about ‘love’ and that there were really only three kinds.

I love you if…  you have sex with me. I love you if you do what I tell you to do. I love you if you change for me. I love you if you keep promising to stop cheating on me, stop beating me, stop lying to me.

I love you because… you have money and will buy me anything I ask for. I love you because you have a great body… beautiful face… nice car. I love you because I don’t deserve better.

If one aspect of your relationship changes, then love ends. If the sex or gifts stop, it’s over. If you gain weight or if your looks fade or are damaged… love is gone. Because you begin to believe you are worth more, love demands more.

Then there is Love in Spite of…

I love you in spite of all your funny little quirks. I love you in spite of your gapped-tooth grin, in spite of your muffin top, your scars, your past, your ghosts…

When you can love ‘in spite of,’ beyond the ‘ifs’ and ‘becauses,’ that’s when you accept the real person, warts and all, and love them and not what they can do for you, or what they give you, or only what you see on the surface.

To me all this meant that when I found real love it should not have conditions attached. That real love saw deeper than the surface, and further than what was in it just for me.

I did find that sort of love. I am with a man who has loved me for more than half my life and who I know will love me for the rest of my life. It’s unconditional and that’s how I love him, it’s how we love our children.

It’s how I love my friends and family. I may not always agree with them, I may not always LIKE them, but I would still offer any help I can if they need me, unconditionally.

Spilling it all

Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.

17 thoughts on “Until the end of time

  1. I wish all kids could have that conversation. I see so many kids messing up their lives. There are so many high school girls having babies. I can only assume that most of them feel the need to “give in” for fear of not being loved for just who they are.

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  2. unconditional love is amazing. Im so glad you found that when you did, and that you continue to be blessed by it. it’s easier to show others unconditional love when its been given to you.

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  3. I’ve always thought of this as, you have to find the person whose faults you can look beyond. No one is perfect, but when you find the person that you don’t mind isn’t perfect then you know you are with the right person.

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  4. You’re right. You can’t love someone for what they have, or what they do, you need to love them for who they are. And sometimes in spite of it. I always say, you can’t possibly like someone all of the time, but you certainly can have love running in the background

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  5. What an amazing post. You were so lucky to have such wise counselors.

    I’m going to remember this for the coming years when my now-tweens begin to explore romantic relationships. Thank you so much for this!

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  6. You totally blew me away. Love is a learning process as well as the ability to give with no expectations. Thank you for the reminder.

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  7. I unconditionally agree, with you and with my “bro” Lou.

    I love you, with no ifs involved, but there are a couple of becauses. I love you because you make me laugh, because you make me think, because you brighten my days with wonderful photos. And if you stopped doing those things, I’d love you in spite of it because of the person you are.

    And oh, yeah, I love you inspite of the fact that you are a Republican. ;-)

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